Barely Political - Funny Political Videos

CNN Earthquake Fail

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 11:29:16 EST

Two highlights from this weekend:

VOTE for the Voice of Obama Girl singing "B*tch" @ SXSW

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 14:40:24 EST

Leah Kauffman, the voice behind Obama Girl in Crush on Obama needs your vote for a sweet karaoke contest in Austin as part of South By Southwest!

Want to see her bust out the pipes on Meredith Brooks' "Bitch"? Well it's not going down...unless you vote here: http://ok.cogaoke.com/contestant/crushonyourmomma

Woot!

Word Up, Youth?

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:54:32 EST

In an effort to appeal to young people, the upcoming Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) is going to be raising the roof like it's off of the hook!

Money quote:

"Inside, the hip crowd will be playing video games, watching movies, eating snacks and listening to rap music. "

/facepalm. "Eating snacks." Is this CPAC's worst idea ever, or just the worst-written Fox News story ever?

"organizers wanted to give younger conference-goers, who can buy a three-day lounge ticket for $20, a place to hang while the older crowd attends the high-priced nightly dinners"

True side-note: the lounges where young right-wingers can "hang" will be called the "Projects" and the "high-priced nightly dinners" will be called "Real America."

"conservatives are trying to attract more young activists and replicate the kind of success President Obama had in winning over young supporters in 2008. "

Yes. Brilliant. That's exactly how Obama's young supporters were rallied: by plopping them in front of toys while Mommy and Daddy attended "high-priced nightly dinners" and HAD NOTHING TO DO with understanding and empowering young people or entrusting them with responsibility.

UPDATE: I just found the coolest kid on YouTube:

Rush Limbaugh Dances to Poker Face

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 15:38:10 EST

Here's the latest anti-drug PSA from the DEA. Remember kids, Oxycontin abuse = tone-deaf spasms. And patriotism, natch.

Newest From rx2008: "Taxman Obama"

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 16:42:51 EST

I especially like what he calls the effect: it's not a mashup or a remix or an edit -- no, it's "a cutup":

Jon Stewart on Obama's State of the Union Address

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 16:34:43 EST

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Speech Therapy

www.thedailyshow.com

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Political Humor

Health Care Crisis

Impressive Bush/Clinton Edit

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 16:25:24 EST

Love what was done here. So simple, so understated, but so so good:

President Obama Announces the iPad

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 16:16:54 EST

From the brilliant Joe Sabia (@getwhirled):

Devil Obama to Angel Obama: "Suck it!"

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 11:57:29 EST

Jimmy Fallon shows how Obama covers all his bases:

Their Obama looks almost as good as ours ;)

SUBMIT: Contest of Awesome (with Weezer!)

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 16:22:08 EST

Hey! We're looking for the funniest music video of 2009.

Go http://www.barelydigital.com/weezercontest and submit your nomination.

The winner will get to fly out to LA and make a cameo appearance in Weezer's next video! For real!

Think someone should be nominated? Think you should be nominated? Click HERE

Ireland's First Minister attends to wife's...affairs.

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 10:58:45 EST

Peter Robinson made headline's today by taking a 6 week leave from the First Minister position amid the political fire that surrounded his wife's personal life and finances (she "obtained £50,000 from two developers but did not tell the proper authorities," etc.)

But let's take a closer look at that headline:

Ohhhh...

UPDATE: Sorry, that' was lowball.

Amber Lee Swimsuit Edition App!

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:36:44 EST

Ever wondered which president liked to go skinny dipping?

Ever wanted to get swimsuite pictures/videos of Amber?

Want unlimited pictures of her on your iPhone or iPod touch background?

All this and more in Amber's new iPhone app here:

Here’s what you get:

-Swimsuit pictures of Amber Lee
-Videos of random political facts of Amber Lee in a swimsuit

-Access to Amber Lee videos
-Other Amber Lee content, including swimsuit and lingerie pictures, best Tweets and more
-Download pictures directly to your iPhone or iPod touch background

The ultimate mashup… here’s how it works:
-Download the app
-Tap the “Talk” menu option and tell Amber Lee what you are interested in
-You’ll receive messages containing pictures, videos, and more.
-Check back often, new content may be waiting for you, including more bonus pictures!

Amber's New Channel!

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:14:13 EST

Like girls? Short on time? SOLUTION: 2Girls2Minutes, Amber's new show with Kelly Brady. Our latest sketch with them makes for a good introduction:

Russell Wiseman Hates Our Freedoms

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 14:08:54 EST

Look at this winner! Russell Wiseman, the illustrious mayor of Arlington, Tennessee has joined the ranks of politicians failing at Facebook. The other night Ol' Russ sat his kids in front of the TV and saw our BROWN president typed up this poetry:

"Ok, so, this is total crap, we sit the kids down to watch 'The Charlie Brown Christmas Special' and our muslim president is there, what a load...."

But wait! There's more:

"you know, our forefathers had it written in the original Constitution that ONLY property owners could vote, if that has stayed in there, things would be different..."

Take THAT minorites, apartment-renters, and women! Your votes destroyed this country! >.<

UPDATE: Some time between 1:30pm and 2:15pm today Russell deleted his entire Facebook account!

America The Beautiful

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:12:33 EST

Thanks to Jalopnik for bringing us this picture from Des Moines, Iowa. It's nice every once in a while to remember what exactly it is we're Pledging Allegiance to.

That said, I think the real point here is not that we live in a country where bacon covered in chocolate is proudly advertised on monster trucks. Instead, it's the fact that in America, you can totally sell choclolate salt-grease for a buck fifty a piece and get away with it. Free Enterprise FTW!!!

Palin Loses Another Election

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 01:01:09 EST

Hey, lookey here. The candidate who Sarah Palin canonized via facebook (seriously) has lost. A Republican loss, you ask? NO actually, Doug Hoffman was a third-party "Conservative" candidate who, among other things, would despise pregnant, unmarried, daughters.

Just saying.

New Jersey is SAVED

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:24:34 EST

Thank (that one specific non-Biblical interpretation of) God! A REPUBLICAN is now governor or New Jersey. Luckily, he's a ~~stereotypical fat white drunk privileged~~ guy! Be sure to watch Jersey become the long-awaited heaven of perfection and Palin-values we all crossed our fingers for. Just like when Bush was president and all abortions ever were stopped and gay people disappeared, right?

LOL.

BARACK IS BULIMIC OMJESUS

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:32:43 EST

Matt Fudge is FED UP with this Barack "Pro-Ana" Hussein. Why's he so thin?? Huh?

""No, he's not chain smoking," claims an insider." Oh brother. Hey, look Matt Pudge, I can do that too:

"Matt Drudge's rectum was not ruptured by coitus with a stallion" claims an insider. Who knows what happened??

Best Political Costume 2009

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 22:39:00 EDT

Need a last-minute Halloween idea? When in doubt, teabag. BONUS: which one of the following is a costume, and which one is totally real? Winner gets the knowledge that he or she is a genius . . . or at least that he or she knows how to read the text below the pictures.

Secret answer: the third one is a Halloween costume!

H/T Wonkette

The Ultimate Chamber of Commerce Hoax

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:28:04 EDT

The Yes Men staged a phony press conference today at the National Press Club. During the event, a member of the group pretended to represent the Chamber of Conference ("assistant to Mr. Donahue") and announced that the Chamber was officially reversing its position on climate change and would now work to curb humanity's role in the changing envoronment. Actual news agencies took the bait and reported it as fact.

As a piece of pure impostering, this one is remarkable. Not only is the faux-conference belivable, but it also forced the actual Chamber of Commerence to publically and unequivacably defend its anti-environmental stance. This is what we in the industy call "being made into a grade A LOL cow."

Mark Sanford: 2 Fast 2 Furious

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 14:57:37 EDT

Here is South Carolina's governor and official Ambassador of Hanky-Panky, Mark Sanford being all speedy on the highway. He's just like all of us, right? Oh except for the "no ticket" part. Many people suspect Jedi Mind Tricks.

Lauren Francesca on the Daily Show TONIGHT!

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 12:46:12 EDT

Check her out in a music video with Jon Stewart tonight @ 11pm EST on Comedy Central.

Lauren's done a bunch of videos with us, including these:

FREE DOWNLOAD: Steve Porter Community Remix!

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:09:15 EDT

Steve Porter is awesome. See?

Click on his face to download his free remix of NBCs new show Community.....Ya BIT!

Here's the video:

T-Pain + Gregory Bros on Jimmy Kimmel!

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 11:32:31 EDT

T-Pain hit up the Gregory Brothers to produce an auto-tuned Obama song on Thursday's Jimmy Kimmel Show to promote his iPhone app. How awesome are these guys?

Kind of like our Obama Girl/Michael Gregory collab from Feb:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMBER!

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:03:30 EDT

You heard right, today is Obama Girl's birthday -- happy b-day girl!! Be sure to leave her LOTS of messages in the comments of her videos. And while you're at it, check out the video that started it all:

Russell Simmons For America's Greenest Campus

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 11:35:06 EDT

First Obama Girl sang for them, now Russel Simmons has joined the cause. This PSA is airing on television and was produced by yours truly, Barely Political.

Think you can make your campus the greenest? Well hurry up! Visit AmericasGreenestCampus.com now!!

Flavored Dip, Guns, and Racism: Impeach Obama

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:36:57 EDT

There is an air of pissedoffness throughout the redneck community, and it's made its way onto the you tubes:

My New Favorite Glenn Beck Impression

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:23:43 EDT

SNL doin' it well:

STEINI GIRL!

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 21:54:36 EDT

I don't know much German, but anything involving a Stein and Obama-Girl-style politicking is fine by me:

Barney Frank's Cat Fight With Limbaugh

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 21:49:48 EDT

Courtesy of Jay Leno and 10@10:

Hitler's Plan B

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:10:42 EDT

[Via TomTheDancingBug]

This is not a m*me

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 11:27:18 EDT

Sorry I used the M word

But am I the only one that thinks the Kanye stuff will never get old?!

[Via bringtheruckus]

And check out our website, Kanyefied: http://bit.ly/14FAGv

Obama Talking About Us!

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 18:43:40 EDT

After he calls Kanye a jackass...

...he's got to be talking about our Obama Kills Fly: Ninja REMIX video, right?

Tea Party

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 17:13:35 EDT

This adds to the list of ambiguous teabagging definitions:

[Via Gizmodo]

Fox Nation Graphic Designer Not Even Trying Anymore

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 12:46:43 EDT

*sigh*

Looks like Rupert Murdoch had his babysitter do his homework again DX

Rush Limbaugh's Punchout!

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 11:57:42 EDT

It's here! An interactive YouTube game where you get to choose what happens to American's most famous right-wing pundits.

Obama + Darwin = The Current Status of US Healthcare Reform

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:14:17 EDT

Facts are SOOOO Annoying.

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 11:32:03 EDT

Ugh. I am so tired of this. At a recent Townhall, Texas Congressman Jake "Bigamist" Olson told a story about a poor woman who was turned down by doctors because her unborn son had a heart problem. She finally found one and her son lived, but Jake "Child-Trafficer" Olson explains that with a competing public option her son would have died. Everyone in the audience puts their thinking on hold and applauds.

THEN some guy points out that Jake "Infanticide" Olson is wrong. It was the private doctors and insurers that turned her down, not a public, government run one. Silence insues. Then some old grumpy man shouts, "death panel" and everyone's happy again. Ugh.

Stay Classy, Carrie Prejean

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:59:54 EDT

Oh hey, remember that inarticulate puppet of the Right? No, not that one. The one who couldn't answer a simple question, and then blamed it all on the gays?

Well, in a move that will *FINALLY* bring just desserts to those hateful pageant people who bought her new breasts, Prejean has filed suit with the Miss America pageant, saying that they discriminated against her based on religion. Of course, stating an opinion and then exaggerating that opinion when pressured by and offered a job at Fox News isn't a religion -- BUT, whatevs. She will run for president in 2012. The end.

America's Fattest Failure Makes Gay Joke!

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 23:29:58 EDT

Oh look! Remember Rush Limbaugh, the bloated virgin who took so many illegal drugs that he LOST HIS HEARING? Turns out that in a desperate attempt to stay controversial he made a gay joke about American hero Barney Frank. HAHA, Frank is gay so he must spend a lot of time around Uranus, ROFLCOPTER!

Hey Rush, here's a protip: next time you make a planet joke, be sure you aren't the size of a planet. By the way, I heard that Rush spends most of his days hanging around Jupiter . . . the GAS GIANT!!!

See? I can be an unfunny basement dweller too. Has this man run out of poor people to insult or what? Someone get him an uneduacated racist, stat! He's going to starve!!!!

Raptor Obama Smells Prey . . .

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 12:52:20 EDT

Wounded infants are the most delicious. TRUST ME.

[White House Flickr]

Our Biggest Fan

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 10:59:40 EDT

Thanks, Barack! Check's in the mail ;) lol

Israel's Little Mermaid

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 17:25:30 EDT

Let the photoshopping begin! There's a sweet new million dollar reward for anyone who produces photographs of the supposed mermaid near Isreal. And, oh hey look, I found her. I also just created world peace. You're Welcome.

Yes We Cannabis

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 01:20:10 EDT

Courtesy of this year's National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML). By my count, Obama's duo of iconic posters just became a trio.

Fox News not Even Removing Watermarks Now

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 18:52:20 EDT

Usually when a mouth-breathing basment-dweller steals someone else's work, he or she at least takes some time to remove any watermarks. Not Fox News, though! This screencap from Fox News' fatter, angrier twin, FoxNation.com, shows internet literacy at it's lowest:

See those white lines coming in from the top corners of the image? You guessed it: those were put in by the photo's owners: istockphoto.com. The preview Fox Nation stole is here, reproduced below:

Stay classy, Fox! And please, go ahead and charge for all your online content -- why share when you can steal other people's stuff and sell it for profit? USA! USA!

Nazi added to list of things Obama is to old white people

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 17:03:35 EDT

Rush Limbaugh thinks the Obama administration's new health care logo (which includes wings and a circle) looks like a Nazi symbol. Here are some other symbols that have wings and circles:

(Via BuzzFeed)

The new logo:

New logo closeup:

Some Nazi symbol:

Some other Nazi symbol:

US Marine Corps emblem:

DOD Emblem:

Bacardi Logo:

Another Nazi Logo:

Second Obama Birth Certificate Surfaces: He's Muslim.

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 11:55:04 EDT

08/06/09 UPDATE: Make your very own birth cirtificate here: http://kenyanbirthcertificategenerator.com/

I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW it!!

Old White People Gone Wild!

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 16:15:30 EDT

ZOMG! America elected a president who is . . . different looking! He's not really doing anything out of the ordinary, but old white retired people are FREAKING OUT!! Today's quiz: which one of these is a parody? Bet you can't tell :(

Angry Obama Birther - watch more funny videos

Bill Maher: Afterthoughts on Beer Summit

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 13:57:32 EDT

Bill Maher phoned in on "Way Too Early with Willie Geist" Friday morning to share his wisdom and wit regarding Obama's brofest with Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge police Sgt. James Crowley. He touches upon the media's unproportional coverage of the story (what else is new) and individuals' unconcious, ingrained beliefs about race.

"Sarah Palin is the gift to comedians that keeps on giving."

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Peggy Noonan and I Have the Same Taste in Women

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 11:00:00 EDT

Careful, @peggynoonannyc; I called dibs first and you know it.

Glenn Beck Visits CARS.GOV

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 20:17:23 EDT

Here's another treat for you Beck-heads out there. In this insanely long clip (4 minutes is 7 years in Internet time) Glenn Beck warns his audience that Cars.gov will take over their computers and spy on their secret cat screen-savers and MS Solitaire high scores. OMG! Be afraid, BUY THIS, and hunker down because this stuff never happens any where else online. EVER.

Two things to ignore: (1) that this only happens when a registered dealer initiates a data transfer with the US government (no, seriously, go to cars.gov and TRY to get the same message Glenn does) and (2) that the girl in this clip is unnecessarily hot.

Glenn Beck Serves Beer to Children

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:56:53 EDT

Here's Glenn Beck ~~satarizing~~ not understanding Obama's plan to share beers with a cop and a professor. The very fact that Glenn's beer summit involves a kid who wants "nougat" for breakfast is proof that no one under the age of 97 is writing for his show.

Sarah Palin Shat on

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 17:08:21 EDT

William Shatner blessed Sarah Palin's speech writer with a reading on Conan last night. Hilarious -- check it out:

ComicCon: Politics, Zombies, Catwoman, Superman... (YT)

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 00:00:00 EDT

Romanian Mayor receives fashion tips from Prince Harry

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 13:06:25 EDT

Inspired by Tom Cruise's horrible performance in last year's Valkyrie, Romanian Mayor of Constata city, Radu Mazare, dressed in a Nazi uniform to a fashion show on sunday night. Seriously, he's stating that as his rationalization -- he must've really enjoyed the film. Feels like deja vu...but Romanian law forbids the display of swastikas. And the mayor is surprised that he's facing complaints? If his costume choice for the fashion show wasn't bad enough, he dressed his 15 year old son in matching garb, and the two performed on stage together. Instead of trying to justify that Nazi uniforms are fashionable, and therefore acceptable for a fashion show, let's accept that it's a messed up costume choice -- unless one wishes to make the statement of being backwards and full of spite. And if his intention was just to dress as a regular German general, the connotations still persist. Romania could be doing a better job of proving its tolerance, especially since they denied Holocaust involvement until 2004. Not a good start!

Too bad its not a father- son photo

If Only President Bush Had Gotten A Blow Job

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 00:17:41 EDT

People, if a pundit uses the word "blow job" on national television and Barely Political doesn't report it, then frankly, we're simply not doing our job. Though it is pretty hilarious to hear a woman shout BJ on MSNBC her point is valid and not said enough. It's insane that we spent millions of dollars of taxpayer money investigating an oval office affair, but we don't think it's worth it to investigate the fact that we were sent to war under false pretenses. But wait, I'm drifting off point, she said BLOW JOB!

Levi Song

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:25:46 EDT

Here at Barely Political we never do exact song parodies like say, “Eat It” by Weird Al or “Brohemian Rhapsody” by the guys at College Humor. I wish I could say it was because we find writing original songs more challenging, and artistically satisfying, but that would be pretentious, and a lie. The real reason is that we can’t get the rights to popular songs, and we don’t want to get sued.

While I do get a lot of satisfaction out of writing original songs, some times a good parody just works better comedically.
With that said, Levi Johnston is back in the news for telling a reporter that Sarah Palin resigned because she wanted to start cashing in on all the book deals, and hosting gigs that we’re coming her way. When I read this I thought, good for you Levi! Alaskans deserve to know the truth! How dare she choose something so trivial over being a public servant?

But wait a minute, it turns out Levi has his own book deal in the works. Imagine the confidence it takes to pitch a book when you can’t even read.

I’ve written a song below called “Levi”, that may or may not sync up nicely with the song “Levon” by Elton John. These lyrics are meant to be read, not heard, so what ever you do, don’t record yourself singing them over a “Levon” karaoke track, and then post the video to youtube. That would make Elton John, and me very upset!

Levi rides his dirt bike all over town
He calls himself a redneck
And, he likes to snowboard,
Shoot some s**t, and f**kin’ hang around

Levi, Levi loves his Hockey
He scores a lot they say
Spends his days screwin’
Unprotected cus it feels better that way

He knocked up an Alaskan princess on Election Day
Her dad put a shotgun to his head
And he soiled himself
His girlfriend’s mom looks just like Tina Fey

And he shall be Levi
And he shall be a douche bag
And he shall be Levi
And Fatherhood is a f**kin drag
And he shall be Levi
And he shall wear a nametag
He shall be Levi

Levi left High School and lost his girl
And now he’s talking trash
About Alaska’s former mayor
Gonna write a book and buy weed with all the cash

And Bristol, she wants to go to D.C.
Leave Levi far behind,
Marry a rich Republican
While Levi, Levi just gets high

He knocked up an Alaskan princess on Election Day
And the New York Times had a field day
Then Obama won
Suddenly Levi has a lot to say

And he shall be Levi
And he shall have a big mouth
And he shall be Levi
Why does it seem like he’s from the south
And he shall be Levi
Palin’s putting a hit out
He did not want kids!

Floating Nuclear Power Plants

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 21:49:33 EDT

So Russia is in the process of building a floating nuclear power plant. Sounds like a good idea to me. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? It's not like Russia has a history of horrible nuclear disasters or anything. I'm sure years down the line we'll all look back at the silly naysayers and think, "Why we're we ever scared about something like this?" Then we'll cut up our 3-headed Tuna and force-feed it into the bloated, diseased mouths of our mutated children. Have a good weekend everyone!

Obama Checking out a Booty?

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 12:25:42 EDT

. . . okay, maybe not. But dang, Sarkozy. Take a picture it'll last longer :D

Levi: Palin Resigned for the Money

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 12:10:46 EDT

Levi Johnston, the emerging hero of act IV in Palin's tragicomic goof-troupe circus of vicitimization, has come forward and set the record straight. Why'd Palin suddenly resign? Here's Levi's money quote (haha, get it?):

"She had talked about how nice it would be to take some of this money people had been offering us and you know just run with it, say 'forget everything else,'" he said.

How dare she abandon the people of Alaska for book deal and/or reality show cash!? But more importantly, how DARE I photoshop a picture of Trig?! Only a monster would do that. And only a monster would link to other funny photoshops of Trig like these!!!

Obama Girl on the Reel Good Show

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:14:55 EDT

Barely Political's very own Obama Girl was the debut guest on Bobby Miller's new and great Reel Good Show. I highly reccomend you give it watch . . . and I DARE you to hold back tears during their "cry off":

Greenpeace Pwns Rushmore

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 11:54:52 EDT

Here's Barack Obama, NUZZLING up with Honest Abe, whispering sweet nothings into his ear while they SPOON and do nothing to stop global warming. Greenpeace brought these lovers together yesterday morning in a feat that was so dangerous (high winds) that the authorities are still unable to remove the banner.

So it looks like these are your options, America. If you want to protest in this country you have two choices: join the young strapping 20-somethings who repel down mountains in the name of preserving the Earth, or fart around in lawn chairs with the 70-year-old teabaggers who want only two things: no coloreds in the white house and free Denny's on their birthday. Your choice.

Seriously, though, you have to watch the video of the banner going up:

Pope Disagrees With Gordon Gekko

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:23:54 EDT

<\p>That wacky Pope of ours is at it again. Pope Benedict has denounced what he's called our "profit at all costs mentality" and has called for a "New World Financial Order." "Greed has brought about the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression," said the man in the jewel-encrusted hat. You can check out the AP story here. It's hard to swallow such a bold indictment from the Catholic Church, an organization that declared priests cannot marry because the church didn't want them leaving their money to their widows after they passed on. They preferred the money stay within the church, for holy reasons of course. I wonder in this "New World Financial Order" will the Pope get to keep his palace, his golden throne, his golden ring, his golden statues, his golden pen holder, or his gigantic golden crucifix necklace (which incidentally is exactly like the one Jesus wore). Thank you your Popeness, now tell us more about how our deviant sexual appetites will bring about armageddon.

Sarah Palin is the new Michael Jackson

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:36:54 EDT

First off, let me make clear that I'm not comparing Sarah Palin to the multi-talented singer/songwriter/performer that gave us Off the Wall and Thriller. I'm comparing her to the Michael Jackson of the past two decades: the eccentric, tragic figure that we were never able to turn away from. He sadly stopped being an artist and slowly became a sideshow. When someone heard Michael Jackson's name over the past 15 years they never thought, "Ooh, does he have a new album out?!" They thought "Oh man, what did he molest/marry/throw out a window this time?" That's now how I feel when I see any news whatsoever about Sarah Palin. I never think "Oh, did she pass an interesting piece of legislation?" No, right away I get this giddy excited feeling and think, "Oh man, what trouble did this whackjob get herself into this time?" The best part is that I don't feel any of the guilt that I felt when this concerned Michael Jackson. With Michael there was always that part of my brain that said, "Man, his parents really did a number on that guy. I hope he's OK." With Sarah, I just think "This is great!"

Sarah Palin: Then vs. Now

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 12:01:06 EDT

Oh look, here's caribou super model and GOP Quitter-in-Chief Sarah Palin back in August, saying that Hillary Clinton should stop whining. In this clip, the 'cuda ~~articulates~~ stumbles through an explanation of why attacks on you and your family are not a basis for complaining, victimizing yourself, or stepping down. HER WORDS, not mine.

This must be what dropping LSD feels like.

Thanks to Andrew Sullivan for the great find.

Peace out Palin...for now

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 13:59:04 EDT

Sarah Palin continues to behave bizarrely and surprise America, announcing her resignation from Governor of Alaska last friday. She continued, saying she will not seek a second term. The news appeared out of the blue, but is probably all part of some calcuated move to pursue her political ambitions. She plans to finally put that new passport of hers to some use -- it's believed that she's resigning so she can take some time to travel and prepare for the 2012 election, although some speculate that it's a result of overwhelming pressures. This means we are going to be seeing more of Palin against our will over the next 3 years. How progressive is a female politician who doesn't support most women's rights?

Anyway, as usual her speech included simple language and analogies so that no Alaskan or American is confused...

News other than MJ this weekend?

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 12:27:57 EDT

There is really nothing left to say after the weekend long mourning/celebration of Michael Jackson's life...whether you loved him or thought he was a freak of nature. The media's coverage would've implied that it was the Pope that had passed away instead. However inconsiderate, other news did continue to occur over the weekend -- although SC governor Mark Sanford and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad enjoyed a little vacation from front page headlines. So without beating a dead horse.... last night Stephen Colbert commented on the overwhelming scale at which this loss has overpowered all other acts and ongoings.

That bomb in Baghdad sounded kinda important...

"A Party of Sinners"

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 11:22:10 EDT

As most of the ladies reading this already know, I do awesome and rad things all the time. For instance, yesterday morning I watched Meet The Press alone in my underwear while eating cold hotdogs for breakfast. . . . Like I do every weekend.

I was excited for the panel discussion segment to begin (usually the last 15 minutes!! OMG!) and then -- BAM! -- David Gregory BLIND SIDED Lindsey Graham with an IMPOSSIBLE question. And by impossible I mean, "softball designed to prop up talking points." Look how Lindsey fails:

The John Edwards Sex Tape

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 17:10:06 EDT

According to a former Edwards aide, such a tape actually exists. After learning of the tape, the aide did what ever sensible America would do: ~~kept quiet about it~~ got a book deal.

Hey John, if you're reading this and are thinking about releasing the tape, I've got some title ideas:

Debbie Does the Two Americas

Deep Throat; Deep Pockets

Presidential Cam-bang Bus

Rielle MILF Hunter

John Kerry was the Guy Filming

Also, John, I don't like being the "I told you so" guy, but I made the video below nearly two years ago:

Mark Sanford Argentina PICTURES!

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:04:51 EDT

Barely Political brings you this WORLD FIRST picture of Mark Sanford sexing it up with his Argentinian mistress:

Oh wait, that's John McCain when he was in the Naval Academy, sorry. :(

But WAIT. John McCain did the exact same thing Mark Sanford did this week, only 40 years ago!! I have Wonkette's fantastic live-blog of Sanford's press conference to thank for this amazing coincidence. According to McCain's own memoir, "Faith of my Fathers," ol' Johnny met and had sexy time with a South American ~~transvestite~~ model back in 1957. The best details come from Robert Timberg's biography, “John McCain: An American Odyssey.”

"McCain went to the model’s house for dinner but found the door unlocked. He let himself in and heard a voice call from the bedroom, “I’ll be right out.” When the model appeared, 'she was not, McCain would later say, dressed for dinner,' Timberg wrote.

After that night, he never saw her again. Upon graduating from the Naval Academy, however, he received a short telegram from the model that read, 'I’ll always love you.'"

AHHHH! Why are Republicans cheating on America with people from "South" America -- the continent that stole our name!!!???

The Most Important Political GIF Ever

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:21:31 EDT

He lost the election, but, "my friends," this .gif makes him president of something much bigger than America: THE INTERNET.

Summer must-see movies

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 13:58:17 EDT

This summer's Inglorious Basterd's and Bruno are two movies whose political overtones are sure to shock... and I absolutely can't wait to see either of them.

From Tarantino we can expect the usual explicit violence and gore, as Nazis experience some reciprocity when a group of American Jews decide to fight back. Unlike his other films, this one actually has some non-fictional roots, as different groups of Jewish partisans did combat Nazis all across Nazi-occupied Europe during WWII. Controversy may arise from some images that will probably be highly graphic and diffuclt to watch. I'm sure we will be reminded of Nazi inhumanity and brutality in order to make such scenes watchable.

As for Bruno, we can expect outrageous humor that walks the line between hilarious and offensive. There is speculation as to whether the movie will offend homosexuals through the use of stereotypes, or reveal ignorance, which is Sacha Baron Cohen's intent. As a huge Sacha Baron Cohen/Ali G/Borat fan, I have high hopes for Bruno the movie.

Bruno Trailer 1 - Watch more Movie Trailers

Let's All Go To Mexico!

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 12:26:15 EDT

Oh brother. Here's a headline from right-wing wiki, Conservapedia.com AKA the best website on the www run entirely by a sad grandpa:

Oh noes! Young people are going to be "tooting" things in Mexico soon! Does this mean they'll be playing little horns or that they'll be farting? (*crosses fingers, hopes it's both*)

I say we freak out these squares and head to Mexico for a little bit of this toot -- or as they say south of the border, "la toota." Mmmm, old people slang.

America: Back to Basics

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 12:10:00 EDT

As we continue to take content that is not ours -- The Onion explains why Obama must replace his measures for achieving drastic change with itty bitty baby steps.

Cash 4 Gold 4 US Treasury

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 17:16:36 EDT

The Onion reports on the Whitehouse's genius new plan to pay off it's $11 trillion national debt...

US To Trade Gold Reserves For Cash Through Cash4Gold.com

Megan Fox Explains American Politics

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 13:41:23 EDT

Hmm . . . I'm learning a lot, but I might need to come in for extra credit.

Also, there WILL be a test, and it WILL involve Jessica Alba and number 2 pencils.

[Read more about this picture here]

Lindsay Lohan Topless

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 11:13:25 EDT

Oh look, people are dying in Ira -- whaaaat?! Lindsay's tweeting nekid pics?! OMG fart fart.

Apparently Fox News re-thought their front-page "Is Lindsay Going to Hell?" story from earlier this morning and replaced it (thankfully) with something more insightful. Seriously, check it out.

How dare Fox News attack a young woman? Quick! Someone tell Sarah Palin!!!

Glenn Beck Crying

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:13:00 EDT

Want some french cries with that Whaambuger? Or perhaps a glass of whine and a sob-marine sandwich?

Jill Greenberg took these photos; the one of Beck is new, and for GQ! She also took the picture of John McCain below. Why do republicans still allow this woman to photograph them?

[via]

Ahmadinejad vs. Twitter

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 15:37:24 EDT

Like all good leaders, Iran's ruling government has limited all bandwidth out of the country because of these election shenanigans. Presumably they're doing this to keep pictures and video of protests and violence from reaching the outside media. Except here's the problem: tweets are still going through (whoops!) . . . moar like AhmadineFRAUD, amirite?

And btw, it was the US State Department that got Twitter to reschedule it's planned matinence today. That must be nice. All Barely Political ever gets from the State Department are these annoying "cease and desist" letters every week :(

[image via]

Fox News Cares About Lindsay's Soul :)

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 13:24:18 EDT

This is actually what's on FoxNews.com right now:

They're all really important and completely not trashing stories. I also appreciate that unlike other "real" news networks, Fox doesn't just come out and tell me Lindsay Lohan's afterlife plans. They let me decide. I really hope God reads FoxNews.com.

Bristol Palin Graduates

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 13:10:43 EDT

Looks like Bristol finally got her fancy degree in Trig-onometry or whatever. Sounds like she's on the right Track; Will-ow she be drawn by the Piper at the gate of opportunity and will other paths Palin comparison? Or will she Levi those choices and keep pushing abstinence with her rally cry SaRAH-RAH-RAH. Only time will tell. Todd-da.

Also, is it just me or does she have 18 fingers in this picture?

Sarah Palin Pool Pictures

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 04:29:23 EST

Sarah Palin Pool Pictures

If you were the republican Vice Presidential Candidate and you just lost the election, what would you do?

Most would go back to Alaska and get back to work, Sarah Palin decided to go poolside in Miami. She definitely looks good though.

Baby Palin

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:23:45 EST

Baby Palin

This is one of the best videos we have come across in a while.

Obama Toast on Ebay

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 08:17:23 EST

Obama Toast on Ebay

People say that we are in a recession. BarelyPolitical says Bull.

Not with a piece of toast going for over 200 dollars on eBay!

Barack Obama has miraculously appeared on a piece of toast I was preparing for breakfast. This is a one-of-a-kind item to celebrate his win as US President. The item is one piece of Wonder Bread that has been toasted. Nothing has been added to the bread - no butter or oils. The buyer will receieve this item as shown. Shipping charges will depend on the distance from New Jersey. Paypal, personal check, or money orders are accepted. Enjoy! On Nov-12-08 at 10:43:38 PST, seller added the following information: AS SEEN ON MSNBC'S COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN ON 11/11/08 !!! http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/vp/27669595#27669595 Keep it real with Obama Hope toast! Barack Obama has miraculously appeared on a piece of toast I was preparing for breakfast. This is a one-of-a-kind item to celebrate his win as US President. The item is one piece of Wonder Bread that has been toasted. Nothing has been added to the bread - no butter or oils. The buyer will receieve this item as shown. Shipping charges will depend on the distance from New Jersey. Paypal, personal check, or money orders are accepted. Enjoy!

Join the Ku Klux Clan

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 02:27:08 EST

Join the Ku Klux Clan

With Obama winning and racism over forever, bigots move on with their lives.

Racism Ends Forever

Atom.com: Funny Videos |

A Few Facts on Barack Obama We all Should Know

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:13:10 EST

A Few Facts on Barack Obama We all Should Know

Not exactly sure if all of these are accurate, but if they aren't don't blame us, blame these guys. telegraph.co.uk

• He collects Spider-Man and Conan the Barbarian comics

• He was known as "O'Bomber" at high school for his skill at basketball

• His name means "one who is blessed" in Swahili

• His favourite meal is wife Michelle's shrimp linguini

• He won a Grammy in 2006 for the audio version of his memoir, Dreams From My Father

• He is left-handed – the sixth post-war president to be left-handed

• He has read every Harry Potter book

• He owns a set of red boxing gloves autographed by Muhammad Ali

• He worked in a Baskin-Robbins ice cream shop as a teenager and now can't stand ice cream

• His favourite snacks are chocolate-peanut protein bars

• He ate dog meat, snake meat, and roasted grasshopper while living in Indonesia

• He can speak Spanish

• While on the campaign trail he refused to watch CNN and had sports channels on instead

• His favourite drink is black forest berry iced tea

• He promised Michelle he would quit smoking before running for president – he didn't

• He kept a pet ape called Tata while in Indonesia

• He can bench press an impressive 200lbs

• He was known as Barry until university when he asked to be addressed by his full name

• His favourite book is Moby-Dick by Herman Melville

• He visited Wokingham, Berks, in 1996 for the stag party of his half-sister's fiancé, but left when a stripper arrived

• His desk in his Senate office once belonged to Robert Kennedy

• He and Michelle made $4.2 million (£2.7 million) last year, with much coming from sales of his books

• His favourite films are Casablanca and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

• He carries a tiny Madonna and child statue and a bracelet belonging to a soldier in Iraq for good luck

• He applied to appear in a black pin-up calendar while at Harvard but was rejected by the all-female committee.

• His favourite music includes Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, Bach and The Fugees

• He took Michelle to see the Spike Lee film Do The Right Thing on their first date

• He enjoys playing Scrabble and poker

• He doesn't drink coffee and rarely drinks alcohol

• He would have liked to have been an architect if he were not a politician

• As a teenager he took drugs including marijuana and cocaine

• His daughters' ambitions are to go to Yale before becoming an actress (Malia, 10) and to sing and dance (Sasha, 7)

• He hates the youth trend for trousers which sag beneath the backside

• He repaid his student loan only four years ago after signing his book deal

• His house in Chicago has four fire places

• Daughter Malia's godmother is Jesse Jackson's daughter Santita

• He says his worst habit is constantly checking his BlackBerry

• He uses an Apple Mac laptop

• He drives a Ford Escape Hybrid, having ditched his gas-guzzling Chrysler 300

• He wears $1,500 (£952) Hart Schaffner Marx suits

• He owns four identical pairs of black size 11 shoes

• He has his hair cut once a week by his Chicago barber, Zariff, who charges $21 (£13)

• His favourite fictional television programmes are Mash and The Wire

• He was given the code name "Renegade" by his Secret Service handlers

• He was nicknamed "Bear" by his late grandmother

• He plans to install a basketball court in the White House grounds

• His favourite artist is Pablo Picasso

• His speciality as a cook is chilli

• He has said many of his friends in Indonesia were "street urchins"

• He keeps on his desk a carving of a wooden hand holding an egg, a Kenyan symbol of the fragility of life

• His late father was a senior economist for the Kenyan government

Lisa Ann as Sarah Palin Pictures and Video

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 16:07:24 EST

Lisa Ann as Sarah Palin Pictures and Video

Well, the election is over, but not for adult star Lisa Ann. She is seen here on Entertainment Tonight talking about her role as the former VP candidate Sarah Palin in the new Hustler movie, "Who's Naylin Pailin."

What Kind of Dog Will Barack Obama Get

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 06:03:19 EST

What Kind of Dog Will Barack Obama Get ?

Whatever dog Barack Obama will get for his daughters, he says it has to be hypoallergenic.

Also, it can't bite people like Barney does!

Boom Baby South Park Obama Episode

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 02:29:57 EST

Boom Baby South Park Obama Episode

Seriously, the best thing we have seen in a while. They must have stayed up all night doing this!